Daily Leader Dilemmas

⏱ 5 min read

In a rush? Here is the quick overview.

The issue

• Workplace distractions can reduce focus, engagement, and the effectiveness of important meetings.
• Leaders need to address recurring distractions while balancing empathy, fairness, and workplace flexibility.

Best practices for you as the leader

• Check yourself first—ensure it's a pattern, address all distractions consistently, and confirm your culture supports the conversation.
• Prepare before you speak—choose the right setting, plan your message, and focus on the impact rather than the person's intent.
• Be direct, kind, and consistent—listen to their perspective, hold expectations, document the conversation, and follow up if needed.

Key takeaway

Address recurring distractions early, with empathy and consistency, so your team understands that flexibility and accountability can coexist.

The Problem at Hand

Recently a leader vented to me about a frustrating virtual team meeting.

While she was leading an important discussion, one employee had a child crawling all over them throughout the meeting. It threw her off, and she could see other team members watching the interaction instead of paying attention.

Sound familiar?

If you're like that leader, your first instinct is probably to address it so it doesn't happen again. And in many cases, you'd be right.

Before we go any further, though, I'd like to make one editorial comment.

COVID changed the way many of us think about work. One of the positives that came from that difficult time was recognizing that work and family don't always have to exist in completely separate worlds. Flexible work arrangements have benefited many people, especially working parents.

I think that's a positive change, and I hope we don't lose it.

This article isn't suggesting otherwise.

It's also not really about children.

In my experience, children were simply the most common example. But distractions come in many forms—pets, televisions, phones, side conversations, multitasking, driving during meetings, or anything else that prevents someone from being fully present.

The real issue isn't what the distraction is.

It's the impact the distraction has on everyone else in the meeting.

Today's organizations want to offer flexibility while still expecting people to be fully engaged when they're working. That's a reasonable expectation. If one participant is visibly distracted, others often become distracted too, reducing the value of the meeting for everyone involved.

So how do you address it?

Here's my approach.

The LeDev Advice

First, Check Yourself

Before addressing the situation, pause and ask yourself a few questions.

Is this a pattern?

Everyone has the occasional interruption.

If this is a one-time event, lead with curiosity instead of correction.

A simple call afterward such as:

"I noticed you seemed distracted during today's meeting. Everything OK? Is there anything you'd like me to review?"

A simple call afterward lets the employee know it was noticed while also giving them the opportunity to explain.

If it becomes a recurring pattern, then it's time for a different conversation.

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Are you being consistent?

This is where leaders sometimes get into trouble.

Perhaps the child on camera frustrates you, but the employee answering emails during meetings doesn't.

Or the dog barking doesn't bother you, but someone taking a personal phone call does.

The issue isn't the specific distraction.

The issue is maintaining focus.

If you choose to address one recurring distraction, be prepared to address the others as well. Consistency builds credibility.

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Does your culture support this conversation?

Most organizations expect employees to be present and engaged during meetings.

But every workplace is different.

If you're unsure whether your approach aligns with company expectations, check with your leader or HR before moving forward.

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Have you built enough trust?

This conversation may sound straightforward, but it isn't always easy to receive.

You're discussing work, but you're also touching something personal.

Trust makes difficult conversations much easier.

If you're not confident you've built that foundation, seek guidance before having the discussion.

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Next, Prepare Yourself

Don't improvise.

A few minutes of preparation can dramatically improve the outcome.

Choose the Right Setting

Because you want to anticipate emotions, take time to determine the right time and place.

• Avoid squeezing this conversation into another meeting or conversation.
• Don't catch them in the hallway.
• Don't just pop by their desk or via IM and do the "got a minute?" thing.
• Instead, schedule a brief private conversation shortly after the incident while it's still fresh.

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Clarify your message

• Remember your goal:
• This conversation isn't about questioning their commitment or criticizing their family situation.
• It's about ensuring everyone can fully participate in important meetings.
• Focus on the impact—not their intent.
• Anticipate responses and be ready with replies.
• One tip I've used for years is writing my follow-up email before the conversation. It helps clarify my thinking, gives me a simple script, and makes documenting the discussion much easier afterward.

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Now, Have the Conversation

I like to keep feedback conversations simple.

• Your goal is to be DIRECT and also KIND.
• Be clear.
• Be respectful.
• Address the IMPACT and not the INTENT.

A conversation might sound something like this:

Ask permission:

"I have some feedback I'd like to share. Is now a good time?"

State the facts:

"During today's meeting, I noticed your son was with you for much of the discussion."

Describe the impact:

"I noticed several people watching what was happening instead of focusing on the meeting. At times it also appeared difficult for you to fully participate. Since it's challenging to pull everyone together, it's important that our meetings provide the greatest value possible."

State your expectation:

"I'm asking that future meetings be free from distractions whenever possible so everyone can stay fully engaged."

Acknowledge their situation:

"I know balancing work and family isn't always easy, and I know how committed you are to this team. What are your thoughts?"

That final question matters.

Give them room to talk.

People are much more likely to accept feedback when they feel heard.

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Then, Prepare for their Response

Best-case scenario

They understand the concern and agree to make changes.

• Thank them for being open to feedback and move forward.

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An emotional response

Emotion doesn't necessarily mean resistance.

Sometimes people simply need space to explain their situation.

• Listen.
• Don't interrupt.
• Acknowledge what they're experiencing without changing your expectation.
• If they genuinely don't know how they'll solve the problem, shift the conversation toward finding practical options together.

Empathy and accountability can absolutely exist at the same time. Use the tools to do this here.

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A resistant response

Occasionally, someone won't agree with your assessment.

• They may argue that everyone gets distracted.
• They may point out examples of other employees doing similar things.
• Or they may deny there was any impact at all.
• If emotions remain high, suggest continuing the conversation the following day after everyone has had time to reflect.

When that happens, resist the temptation to debate.

• Acknowledge what they're saying.
• Restate your expectation.
• Keep your tone calm, direct, and respectful.

Sometimes the first response isn't the final response.

If the resistance continues, involve your leader or HR to help determine the appropriate next steps.

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Finally, Don't Skip the Follow-Up

Many leaders stop after the conversation.

Don't.

Two final steps matter.

• First, update your leader so they're aware of the discussion and can support you if the issue continues.
• Second, send a written recap to the employee.

This isn't about creating paperwork.

It's about ensuring there is a shared understanding of what was discussed, what was agreed to, and what happens next.

Clear communication prevents confusion later.

Final Thoughts

When you do, you'll strengthen not only your meetings—but also your credibility as a leader.