The Problem at Hand
So you woke up this morning and you are NOT! FEELING! IT! You aren't sick or anything, it's just that you are in a mood.
Not sure why, or maybe you do know why…not important. The point is that you are not at your best emotionally.
And you have your day stacked with coaching and 1 on 1's with your direct reports.
What now?
When I led sales teams I always loved what I did and I looked forward to working with my them. On most mornings I'd wake up excited about my day and couldn't wait to make something happen. Let's go team!
Even when business was tough, I could be that unstoppable, optimistic leader that woke up determined that I was going to help my team get through whatever was going on. You know the kind...they can be annoying, right? That was me! 
But like everyone else, there were some days when I just wasn't feeling it, you know?
Sometimes it was a personal issue that got in the way. Sometimes it was something else going on in the business that was upsetting me. But sometimes it just happened - lack of sleep, need for vacation, or a nightmare that caused me to wake up irritable.
And on those days I just didn't feel like I had the energy to lead others. On those days, give me a spreadsheet and let me hide behind it for the day, please!
We've all been there, and it's always hard. And it can feel especially hard when you are a leader.
When you are a leader you can't "fake it". You can't give 50% or even 75%. When you are alongside your people, it's got to be 100%.
Your team is depending on you to give them strength, motivation, and the pep in their step.
And don't think they can't tell when you aren't fully there for them, because they can.
BOTTOM LINE: You've got to find a way to give your team the energy they need to perform, and you have to be consistent about it. If you become one of those leaders that has "good days" and "bad days", you will start creating fear and uncertainty on your team and will lose their trust. "Oh boy, here comes Eleonore, I wonder what kind of mood she's in today..." Don't become the water cooler talk!
So what do you do?
The LeDev Advice
The best advice I ever got as a young leader was from a seasoned and exceptional executive. And it was this:
"If you pull into the parking lot and you are not in the right mindset to lead, sit in your car until you get yourself there. No matter how long it takes."
I've followed that advice my entire leadership career and it's worked.
How I followed it was pretty simple:
Attempt One - coach yourself out of your funk however you can
- Take a walk around the block
- Listen to a motivating podcast or song
- Meditate
- Have some affirmations handy (I always have nice notes from my team handy. Re-reading them helps me)
- Be grateful for something
Just give yourself the time to re-boot your attitude.
Attempt Two - if you can't get back into the right mindset before your first meeting, reschedule it
- I get it - we all want to operate with urgency and are tempted to power through, but this is the time to recognize that taking an extra moment for you, the leader, is the best thing you can do
- With the time you gave yourself back, keep working on Attempt One strategies until you get there
Attempt Three - if rescheduling the first meeting didn't do it, reschedule what you can for the day and continue actively working on yourself until you are ready
I know that sounds selfish and maybe irresponsible, but it's not! Trust me, your team will survive without you long enough for YOU to take care of YOU.
If all of this is still not resonating with you - here's something I have to remind myself of when faced with situations like these -When you board an airplane and the safety precautions are shared with you, remember what they tell you about oxygen masks.
Every single time, it's this, Right?????
"Always put your oxygen mask on first before placing the mask on someone else."
You know I'm right! This is the same principle. By taking care of yourself first you will be better able to take care of your team members.
BONUS ROUND: Extra Take-Aways on This Topic
Now that I've thoroughly convinced you to take steps for yourself before jumping in with your team, let's talk about the keys to doing this right.
Covering the Details
- Don't just reschedule without a proper apology so that they aren't tempted to tell themselves stories about what's going on with you
- Although you don't need to spill your guts here, a little vulnerability can go a long way. Something like this should be enough: "hey, I'm sorry for rescheduling at the last minute. I need a little time back this morning."
- If possible, replace the meeting with some non-people facing work that still moves the business. Sometimes just focusing on something that's productive work, but not too taxing emotionally, can get you back in the right head space
- If you can't do that, take the time off officially
- And of course, be sure to let your leader know what your plan is
What if I can't reschedule?
It happens, right? Sometimes you just can't reschedule and you are going to have to power through. Here are some tips for that instance:
- Here's the thing, no matter how hard you try, your team will notice you are off
- If you can, find a moment to say something quickly: "sorry team, I'm a little distracted this morning. I appreciate your patience with me."
- No need to take it further because you don't want it to be all about you. Just that little share alone will make the difference between STRENGTHENING and STRESSING your relationship. AND, they will appreciate that you trusted them enough to be vulnerable
- If you aren't able to do that, be sure to apologize the next day when you are back in action
- BOTTOM LINE: Don't just try to muddle through without saying anything at all. You risk creating uncertainty and stress in your team members - not worth it!
Remember that people watch leaders closely and even the smallest things you do make an impression. If they see you behave differently and don't know why, they will fill in the blanks and you won't be able to control the narrative they create. You don't want these types of days to impact your brand with your team long-term.