Leadership Essentials

⏱ 7 min read

In a rush? Here is the quick overview.

The issue

• Your team pays attention to more than your formal leadership moments.
• They notice your tone, facial expressions, quick comments, body language, and energy — especially because your role has real influence over their confidence, growth, and job security.

Best practices for you as the leader

• Stay aware of the small cues you send when interacting with people you lead.
• Address moments that may have landed poorly instead of assuming no one noticed.
• Ask trusted leaders, peers, mentors, or coaches to help you spot patterns you may miss.

Key takeaway

Small leadership moments build trust or damage it. Your team notices them, even when you do not.

The Problem at Hand 

As leaders, we are usually paying attention to how we handle the big things.

The strategy. The goals.

The meetings. The coaching conversations.

The performance issues.

But your team is also paying attention to the small things.

The look on your face when you walk into the room.

The quick comment you make in passing.

The sigh you do not even realize escaped.

Those moments may feel small to you, but they often feel much bigger to the people you lead.

Why?

Because your team is constantly reading you for clues.

Here’s a story that reminded me of that.

A Small Moment at the Bank

One day Hubby and I went to the bank to conduct some business.

As my Business Administrator, Hubby handles all that, so I was just along for the ride. I was also there to sign things when he said, 'Sign this here, Dollface.'"

We were there for about 30 minutes and Hubby did his thing - reviewed the documents, pointed out changes needed, asked the right questions.

Later that day, on our evening walk, he asked me what had been bothering me at the bank.

The conversation went like this:

• HUBBY: So what was on your mind when we were at the bank? Something seemed to be bothering you.
• ME: What? Nothing. I was fine.
• HUBBY: No you weren't.
• ME: Yes I was.
• HUBBY: No you weren't, I could tell.
• ME: I don't know what you are talking about. I barely even spoke.
• HUBBY: It was written on your face.

Busted.

Truth is, something was bothering me. It was minor, and I didn’t want to make a thing of it, so I planned to fake it, make nice, and move on.

But Hubby knows me well, pays close attention, and noticed.

So, I admitted it, shared my feelings, and we had a good talk. And we got through it.

Leaders, I’m sharing this with you for a reason.

My husband noticed because he cares about me, values our relationship, and pays attention to what is going on with me.

Your direct reports are doing the same thing with you.

They care about you, they deem your relationship as important, and they want to know what's on your mind, all the time.

Why?

• Because you are the most important driver of their job engagement and success.
• Because you can help them grow in their current role and possibly advance into the next one.
• Because you have influence over their career, their confidence, and yes, even their job security.

So, like Hubby, they are watching you closely.

They are looking for clues in your face, your tone, your body language, and your demeanor.

The difference is that while Hubby is comfortable enough to ask me, your direct report probably isn't.

That means you need to be aware of what you are putting into the room.

Another Story - The Division Leader

I once led a division leader who was responsible for multiple teams of line leaders and sales reps.

He was smart. He worked hard. He knew the business. He followed the leadership playbook, too — regular one-on-ones, team meetings, floor walks, all the things.

He had the makings of a great leader.

But his job was at risk.

Why?

Because small moments were damaging trust.

Here's an example:

One morning, this leader — let’s call him Joe — was walking the floor to say hello to the team. He saw a rep, Suzie, who had been working from home for a couple of weeks while caring for a sick child. It was her first day back in the office.

Joe stopped to welcome her back.

It started off fine.

Then he said:

"It's nice to finally see you back here after all this time."

Notice the word finally.

Now imagine the tone.

And then imagine the small smirk that went with it.

Was it subtle? Yes.

But Suzie saw it. And she felt it.

In her mind, Joe was the “big boss,” and his comment landed like a criticism. She felt deflated. She had worked hard from home. She had hit her metrics. She had even closed deals, all while taking care of a sick child.

And it didn’t only affect Suzie.

Her direct leader, Tom, sat nearby and heard the whole thing. He felt terrible, too. From his perspective, Joe had missed an opportunity to recognize Suzie’s effort and had instead made her feel small.

Just like that, what should have been a relationship-building moment was gone.

With just one word and one look.

The issue eventually came out. Joe apologized and explained that he had not intended it that way.

So why was his job still at risk?

Because moments like that happened more than once.

Not every day. Not even every week. But often enough that people started to feel, “Oh boy, here he comes.”

And that became his leadership brand.

That’s the part leaders need to understand. You can do a lot of big things right and still lose trust in the small moments.

And before you know it, those moments become your brand.

The LeDev Advice

The lesson is simple.  The solution is harder. 

The Simple Part

Your team is ready to take cues from you. They will notice the big things, of course, but they will also notice the small ones.

The look. The tone that sounds sharper than you intended. The sigh.

The Hard Part

We are all human.

We will all have moments where we say something clumsy, look distracted, use the wrong tone, or send a message we did not mean to send.

No one is immune.

So, don't try to become perfect! But become better.

---

Here are a few things that helped me:

• Pay attention to what you bring into the room, especially when you are interacting with someone you lead.
• Be deliberate in the small moments. Choose your words carefully. Watch your tone. Notice your body language.
• When something feels off, address it. If you think you may have said something that landed poorly, do not assume no one noticed. They probably did.
• Ask for feedback from your leader, a trusted peer, or a mentor. Let them know this matters to you and ask them to help you spot patterns.
• My leader and I even had a “safe word.” If she heard me say something or saw me do something that might land the wrong way, she could say the word and I knew to pause, adjust, and course-correct in the moment.
• And yes, a coach can help here, too. This is exactly the kind of leadership work that benefits from a safe space, honest reflection, and practical support.

It Works Both Ways

So far, we have talked about how small moments can damage trust.

But I want to leave you with this: small moments can also build it.

I worked for a company that had once been led by a legendary COO. He was a founding member of the organization, and his influence lasted for years after he retired.

At one point in his career, the company acquired a new remote division. He traveled there for his first visit, met with the leadership team, and did the things a COO would normally do.

But while he was there, he also walked the sales floor to say hello.

He stopped at one rep’s desk and said something like, “Your business line is a bit different from the home office, and I’d like to learn more about it. Would you mind if I sat with you and listened to a few calls so I can understand the business firsthand?”

Of course, the rep said yes.

So the COO sat with him for about an hour.

Then he asked, “Would you mind if I made a call or two myself?”

They switched roles, and the COO called a couple of prospects.

Then he thanked the rep and went back to the rest of his visit.

I wasn't there, so how do I know this happened?

Because I heard about it a decade later from someone who had been sitting nearby and witnessed the whole thing.

That person started the story by saying:

“Let me tell you about the most impactful leader I’ve ever met in my career.”

Think about that.

To the COO, it was probably just 90 minutes of his time. A small thing. Not in his job description. Not the most urgent item on his calendar.

He was running a large company with several thousand employees and multiple divisions.

But to the people around him that day, that small moment defined who he was as a leader.

Forever.

Summary