Cautionary Tales to Get Us Started

The other day Hubby and I went to the bank to conduct some business.

As my Business Administrator, Hubby handles all that, so I was just along for the ride. And to sign stuff when he says "sign this here, Dollface".

We were there for about 30 minutes and Hubby did his thing - reviewed the documents, pointed out changes needed, asked the right questions.

Later that day as we were taking our evening walk, he asked me what had been bothering me during our time at the bank.

The conversation went like this:

  • HUBBY: So what was on your mind when we were at the bank? Something seemed to be bothering you.
  • ME: What? Nothing. I was fine.
  • HUBBY: No you weren't.
  • ME: Yes I was.
  • HUBBY: No you weren't, I could tell.
  • ME: I don't know what you are talking about. I barely even spoke up.
  • HUBBY: It was written on your face.

Busted!

Truth is, something was bothering me, but it was so minor that I didn't want to make a "thing" of it. So I was going to fake it, make nice and move on.

But Hubby knows me well and watches closely, and saw it.

So, I admitted it, shared my feelings, and we had a good talk. And we got through it.

Leaders, I share this with you in mind.

My husband noticed because he cares about me, deems our relationship as important, and values my thoughts.

The relationship between you and your direct report is no different.

They care about you, the deem your relationship as important, and they want to know what's on your mind, all the time.

Why do they care so much?

  • Because you are the most important driver of their job engagement and success.
  • Because you will help them grow in their current role and possibly advance into the next one.
  • Because you can fire them tomorrow, and that's terrifying.

So, know that, like Hubby, they are watching you closely. And they are looking for clues in your face, in your language, in your demeanor.

The difference is that while Hubby is comfortable enough to ask me, your direct report probably isn't.

That means you need to be aware and watch yourself.

Here's Another Story - The Division Leader

I led a division leader once who was in charge of multiple teams comprised of line leaders and sales reps. He was smart, he worked very hard, and he knew the business. He followed the leadership playbook well, too - regular 1 on 1's, team meetings…you get it, he did all the things. He had the makings of a great leader.

But instead, his job was at risk. Why?

Well, it all came down to small things he would do that damaged trust and harmed relationships.

Here's an example of what he'd do (let's call him "Joe")

One morning as Joe was walking the floor to say "hi" to the team, he saw a rep (let's call her "Suzie") who had been working from home because she had been tending to a sick child. It was her first day back after a couple of weeks of virtual work. He stopped to say "hello" and to welcome her back.

It started off OK….then he said "it's nice to FINALLY see you back here after all this time".

Notice the capitals on the word FINALLY and try to imagine his voice.

And he looked like he had a smirk as he was speaking. Just a little smirk, but guess who saw it?

All very subtle, but it was enough for Suzie to feel like Joe, who is the "big boss" in her mind, was admonishing her. She felt terrible and completely deflated. After all, she worked hard from home those prior two weeks. She hit all of her metrics and even put up some deals, all while tending to a sick family.

Worse yet, Suzie's direct leader, Tom, sat in the cube next to hers and heard it all. And Tom felt terrible as Suzie's Leader. Joe was showing lack of appreciation for Suzie and all she'd recently accomplished despite the obstacles, which Tom felt was incredibly unfair.

All of a sudden, what was supposed to be a motivational and relationship-building moment was completely gone. With just one word and one look.

Like with Hubby, the incident eventually all came out and was discussed. Joe apologized for the poorly timed comment and explained that he didn't intend to send that message.

So why was his job at risk, you ask?

Because those small, misplaced moments were consistently happening. Not everyday, or even every week, but consistently enough to create an "oh boy, here he comes, I'm going to hide" feeling on the entire sales floor.

Even though he was doing lots of other great things for his division, they were being overshadowed by those small, misplaced moments. It became his brand, and branding is essential to a leader (we will cover that topic in another article).

The LeDev Advice

The moral of these stories is simple, but hard.

The Simple Part

Remember that your team is ready to follow you. And they will take all of your cues, EVEN the small ones, good or bad, to heart.

The Hard Part

We are all human and we will all do small things like my examples above. No one is immune.

The Solution

Don't try to become perfect! But become better.

Here are some things that helped me as I was working on this issue:

  • Be self-aware and keep it top of mind whenever you are interacting with anyone you lead.
    • Make deliberate attempts do right in those small moments.
    • Choose your words carefully, watch your tone, and be aware of your body language.
    • Will that sometimes feel like you are "not being the true YOU?" Possibly? That's a topic for a subsequent article - stay tuned for another edition coming soon.
  • Next time you think you did or said something that might be off or easily misinterpreted - stop, address it, and work on that relationship. Don't just presume no one noticed and move on.
  • Ask your leader, a trusted peer or a mentor for assistance. Let them know how important this is to you and ask them to observe you, point out areas where you falter, and talk through solutions with you. My leader and I had a "safe word", which was helpful for me because it allowed me to course correct in the moment as soon as I heard it.
  • Consider hiring a coach - they can be very helpful with this sort of thing because they provide you a safe space to work through the challenges.
Final Thought - It Works Both Ways

So far we've talked about how the small moments can impact you negatively, but I want to leave you with the thought that it works positively, too.

Here's a good story for you

I worked for a company that had been led by a legendary COO who was retiring when I started. He was a founding member of the organization and a powerful influence that lasted for years after he left.

At one point during his career the company acquired a new, remote division. He traveled there for his first visit to get to know the leadership team and to do all the other things a new COO would do.

While he was there he walked the sales floor to say "hello" to the sales teams. He stopped at one rep's desk and said something like "Hello! Your business line is a bit different than the home office and I'd like to learn about it. Would you mind if I sat with you and listened in to a few of your calls so I could get a feel first-hand for your business?".

Of course the rep said "yes". He sat with the rep for about an hour, and then said, "would you mind if I made a call or two myself?". They switched roles and he called a couple of prospects. After those couple of calls he thanked the rep and went on to finish his time with the division's leadership team.

I wasn't there, so how do I know this happened?

Because I heard about it, no lie, a decade later from a young rep who sat in the cube next door and witnessed it all when it happened. He was still with the company years later and it had stuck with him.

His story began with "let me tell you about the most impactful leader I've ever met in my career…."

Now, to that COO, it was just an hour and 1/2 of his time doing something that to him felt like a small thing. Not in his job description and clearly he had more on his mind - he was running a multi-million dollar company with several thousand employees and multiple divisions.

But to those around him that day, it defined who he was as a leader - forever.

The Wrap Up

Over time as you build your relationships, focusing on those nuances will make the difference between a strong, healthy, working relationship that will last through the high's and low's of the business, and a fragile one that will not get you the followship you want. And from there, results will be impacted.

So, don't discount the small moments, because those around you never will.